I’m pretending that the storm howling through NY won’t cause serious delays for my trip tomorrow. They’re taking bets at the office.

In the last couple of days, Tom and I have been talking. He charged me with avoiding him and seemed saddened by my absence, so I decided to be brave and talk for a little bit. Absurd as it may seem these last couple months away has helped my feelings for Tom evolve into something new.

walk me to the corner, our steps will always rhyme
you know my love goes with you as your love stays with me,
it’s just the way it changes, like the shoreline and the sea

Just saw 2010 International Oscar nominated animation shorts. Ireland’s The Lady and The Reaper holds a special place for me because of what my mom is now experiencing. A funny but honest way we seem to address death. But my vote for the academy: a toss up between Canada’s Runaway and France’s Logorama.

You can see bits of each by clicking on the link. Hope you all go.

just breathe……. it will be over soon enough and karma will handle it. no need to break out the pitchforks and torches…… not just yet.

Normally, I would make such posts private. But to hell with that. I was left unprotected to face a stranger’s rage and now everyone involved goes without protection.

Some time before eight AM I get a call from an unrecognizable number and area code. So on to voice mail it went. Turns out the voice message was from the current girlfriend of a friend. It started out fine. She introduced herself and asked if I would call her to talk about some things Jimmy and herself had discussed this past week. Then suddenly her tone turned more severe as the diatribe of me not returning her calls crossed her lips. The more she continued talking… another notch her anxiety and cruelty rose.

You see Jimmy and I had a very brief fling while they were separated. It wasn’t a match. Not a love match. My brother thought Jimmy was way too vanilla for me and I tend to agree. But there was certainly no denying a very deep emotional intimacy existed between us that we both said we cherished. I realize for many the social norm seems to deny two people friendship after an affair. But I know for a fact from my own experiences that some of my most meaningful friendships have transcended that old mold. And since our relationship seemed to have a stabilizing affect on the both of us…then why the hell not? So after a short time he went back to her. I stopped calling and didn’t contact him when I was in town just to be respectful of their relationship. Eventually he called me and said he told her about us and was confident she was cool with our friendship. So I called again.

Without going in to detail, let’s just say I returned her call and she immediately went on a vicious rant…calling me everything but a white girl. I tried to talk calmly and reasonably. But all I got was venom. She had one intention and that was to scold. I reminded her that my calls were to him, and not her so if she felt so inclined to enter my life uninvited she had to at least give me a few minutes to explain the situation. I told her we really were only friends. Friends don’t kiss each other, she hissed in her nasal snarl, “That’s right Jimmy told me everything”. (Doubtful…on this I’m positive.) Now I should stop here and say, that Jimmy was in the room next to her while this call took place. I could hear in the background a fight ensue, with him telling her we kissed only after they had broke up. “It doesn’t matter”, she was screaming loudly at this point.

Suddenly she quieted down and with profound pleasure said that “their’s” was a serious relationship and that if he had to choose between her or I it would be her he wanted above all. I’m actually fine with that and I told her so. Never mind, that just two months ago Jimmy had said his feelings for her were not strong enough to sustain a long term relationship. That he was actually getting ready to end it with her, yet again. At one point he got on the phone with me and said he couldn’t convince her that we were just friends. I told him to put her on the phone once more to see if I could talk sense in to her. Not a chance. Her last words to me, “END this psychotic crush on my boyfriend… DIAL TONE”.

I can’t remember any woman ever being so disrespectful of me. (My mom, maybe, but that’s a whole other story.) I should of been angry. And I was. Kind of. But not with her as much as you think I might be. What I heard on the other end of the line was a tormented woman steeped in pain and desperation. Jimmy had said she was possessive and jealous long before I showed up. I gave it a couple of hours of thought. Then decided to ring her back.

I was relieved to get her voice mail. Me, ” Gloria, this is Carol. You don’t have to call me back. In fact, please don’t. It seems me calling and e-mailing Jimmy causes you pain, so I will stop. But please know I am telling you the truth when I say we are really just friends. There was a brief time when he was single and I was single and we were both lonely. But is was over quickly. Please do not let something like that put your relationship with Jimmy in jeopardy. Believe me it was a while ago and it is not worth injuring your relationship now because of it.”

My friends think she didn’t deserve this kindness after she was so nasty. Maybe. I made a decision quite a while back NOT to layer pain on top of pain if I could ever help it. So my call to her wasn’t about her. Just as her call to me had less to do with Jimmy and I and everything to do with Jimmy and herself. Her agonizing over our friendship was just proof on how insecure she feels in their relationship. I’m not letting Jimmy off the hook. He not only stood by and allowed her to embroil me in their fight… he threw me under the bus so to take the heat off himself.

Later in the evening I get a text from Jimmy (I quote) HIM: ” If u receive anymore contact from gloria which i admitted kissing u only nothing further sorry dont respond to this please”

I’m kind. I’m not a doormat. And I refuse to allow this hideous and incredibly immature feeding frenzy to continue.

So I immediately e-mailed him. (Yes, I don’t always do what I’m told. Especially when I’m no longer trustful of the other person’s judgement.)

ME: “If I receive anymore contact from Gloria I will get a cease and desist order placed on her. It is rather unfair I even be exposed to this wrath of hers. I already told her there is nothing between us. I have nothing more to say.”

I’m certain Gloria felt entitled to her emotional outburst. But I was horrified by her callous behavior and Jimmy’s only concern to not have his cover blown. I don’t intend to let it happen again. If I’m lucky Jimmy and Gloria go away and this all dies a natural death. There’s an old saying… you are only as sick as your secrets. I’d say these two have their work cut out for them.

All flights out of Atlanta were cancelled due to two inches of snow. After getting up at four in the morning and waiting on line in the Delta terminal three and half hours (and I had one of the shorter waits), the best they could do was to offer me two days of trying to fly (with an overnight stay in Atlanta) to my destination (no guarantees-all standbys) for an overall vacation of five days. It turns out Florida is having record low weather in the 60′s. So even though I felt I really needed this time in the sun with my family, I was like, “uh, say no more”. I readily took my one hundred dollars of Delta apology money and my refunded ticket and made plans to go to Chicago tomorrow instead.

I did get to witness frozen fog for the first time this morning. (photo courtesy of Leora C S )

So now it’s Valentine’s Day with my best friend and her husband. And while I don’t miss Tom, I do miss feeling the immense love I once had for him. If that makes any sense.

My recent horoscope suggests I do a lengthy meditation on my love life. A survey of sorts. I am to watch objectivity, but compassionately, as I look for recurring themes and unexpected insights from streaming memories of my first love to my most current paramour. Perhaps, excellent advice, but believe me it’s a tall order. I’m not sure I’m up to the task, but I have always thought I should give a good look at what is going on with me in this area. It even occurred to me to blog on it. But that would be akin to writing and READING War and Peace. And no one is so rotten that they should be put through my sundry love life. One filled with long expanses of mundane unconventionality peppered here and there with some extremely passionate but problematic relationships.

On a happier note… two more friends are meeting me in NY and staying in that wonderful Harlem brownstone. These girls are a blast. One works in the art field, so on top of going to Sylvia’s, the Apollo and the Lenox Lounge, we have free access to some really great art shows. AND I found a new Sam Shepard play that will be running while I’m there. It will be at this time that my hiatus from alcohol will simply cease. I have never not drank around these girls. And who am I to argue with tradition.

Craig Ferguson and Carey Mulligan being all sorts of adorable ( I said no politics… I didn’t say no Craig)

Of all the Oscar nominated performances, I have only seen Julie & Julia and An Education (one of my favorite films of the year).

Sandra Bullock :: The Blind Side

Helen Mirren :: The Last Station

Carey Mulligan :: An Education

Gabourey Sidibe :: Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire

Meryl Streep :: Julie & Julia

But still I’m hoping Carey wins. She’s got something this one. She was absolutely effervescent in this film. I really do recommend seeing it. You won’t be disappointed.

My past posts tended to highlight politics quite often. I am going to resist doing that from now on. I won’t totally stop, but I would like my posts to focus more on the personal.

I’m craving something new again… a project, a playful journey or maybe just some fresh energy.

The one man I have dated twice has been taking things slow. Which is nice. My gut tells me it’s not a match, but I’m trying to squelch those murmurings because he is such a nice guy. For the record, my guts usually wins. It could be my mood, but I feel I’m gearing up for another sabbatical from dating. I’d like a boyfriend, but right now I’m not sure I’m up for the extra effort for someone I just sort of want. Dating can be fun, but I’d haven’t really met anyone who has ignited my soul. Like Fodon says,” crazy about me…without being too crazy”. Perhaps, I ask too much.

It’s been impossible to avoid feeling stress with the current situation at work. I don’t want to complain, because let’s face it, I was one of the lucky people who got to keep her job. However, this has not been an easy couple of weeks. Emotions are tense and joy… pretty elusive. We are a tight group. It’s going to take a while for the aftershocks to stop so people can heal. I put myself on the list of people who are willing to take a cut in pay to save another’s job. I don’t make too much so I could not give a lot. Otherwise, I would be better off being unemployed myself. Anyway, it won’t help bring anyone back, but it could serve as a preemptive measure if we have to go through this again. Also, our weather is not helping people’s moods. There has been little sun and it is getting ready to snow another eight inches. I’ll be in Florida Saturday. The sun always invigorates me. I’m hoping it will lighten this winter heaviness. February is my favorite time to go somewhere warm because it is kind of the hump month of winter. You take vacation and spring meets you shortly after you return.

I’m tempted to take the 30 day challenge at my yoga/pilates’ school. That is where you go, umm, well, 30 days straight to either a yoga or pilates class without missing a day. But it starts this month and I have a couple of out-of town trips coming up. If you miss a day you get kicked off the challenge without a refund. I’m hoping they offer it again in April when it is a good time to make the commitment. I’m exercising. Just not enough.

Lets get one thing straight from the get-go
This glimpse of brilliance is better than a long look at mediocrity

A bit long. I recommend watching only the Obama section.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

I haven’t done a proper post for a while. It’s been Jon Stewart this or Craig Ferguson that. I have been meaning to write. I’m just so bored with myself, and I thought better than to bore you too.

I’m in my winter hibernation mode. One thing new is I started hot yoga. My original yoga teacher was a student of B.K.S. Inyenga himself, so instruction was done with a great deal of care and passion. It has been hard for me to find classes since I left Chicago that live up to his standards. Classes offered at my gym simply don’t cut it. They’re too athletic with not enough focus on breathing and alignment.

In the past year Indianapolis has exploded with superb little restaurants, boutiques, galleries and yes, yoga centers. Turns out hot yoga is perfect for me. I’m a weird bird when it comes to flexibility. I have these crazy cirque du soleil hips. They can bend straight down. Seriously, I can stand on my head in lotus position. So to look at me you would never think I can’t even touch my toes. Even when I was young… no splits for me. Cheerleading…out of the question. Even with several years of ballet and jazz dance classes behind me my hamstrings were simply too tight. Spring tight hamstrings are great for being a quick runner…which I was… shitty for practically everything else. I digress, where was I? OK, so hot yoga, that’s new. And I leave for West Palm Beach in less than two weeks. I’m pretty sure I haven’t posted about this particular trip before, so that’s also new. Since the sun has been MIA here in the midwest a little ray of light would be nice to brighten the perspective. Joined a writing class. Fairly, new. Has it helped? I’m making very little progress. I know better than to wait for inspiration. And yet.

I’ve been on a few dates through Match. com. Nothing really. I have decided to not even try if I don’t feel interested. And I don’t feel interested a lot these days. It seems I’ve come to a very cagey place.

So that brings me to today. A strange day. According to the salon manager, the girl who was suppose to give me a facial disappeared. They simply haven’t heard from her in a week. No word. Very concerning. They rescheduled me with someone else so I didn’t miss my facial, but I’m awfully concerned about my missing friend. Upon returning to work after lunch I hear that an impromptu meeting was called to announce the termination of four of our department’s employees. This is the third year I have dodged that bullet. Each year, a month after the holidays, staff reduction. I wonder how long this trend will continue. And when the winds of fate will stop blowing in my favor. Corporate heads wanted more. My managers had to negotiate them down to four. It’s shattering, really. It’s easy to feel initially grateful… then dreadfully guilty. One girl whose husband is also out of work transfered to us fairly recently from another department. She didn’t have to come. She was asked over. One guy had been with us from the beginning and is quite beloved. A few have even offered a cut in their pay if it could get him back.

The news left me totally in my head for the rest of the day. On the way home from work, I rolled through a stop sign and was quickly pulled over. The police, “do you know why I pulled you over”? Me, “yes”. Him, “can I have your registration”? Thankfully, no ticket. There went bullet two, today.

Oh yeah, one more thing. I have been practically alcohol free in the last couple of months. Alcohol and hot yoga don’t mix. I’m liking it.